Tattoo Artists Announce Settlement That Grandfathers in Old Zodiac Signs

A last-minute settlement in one of the fifteen class-action Zodiac cases has led to an agreement to grandfather in the old Zodiac signs beginning in 2014, according to sources close to the case. The settlement averts a trial that pitted Nobel laureate astrophysicists against store-front astrologers, amateur zoologists, and newspaper publishers.

The case involved more than 4,000 current or former tattoo artists who were seeking indemnification from astronomers and astrophysicists for losses caused by adding a thirteenth Zodiac sign, known as Ornithologist, or “bird catcher.” It is one of more than a dozen cases filed across the country in response to one astronomer’s side comment to a television reporter.

“Certainly, we’re happy with the settlement,” an attorney for the tattoo artists said after disclosing the settlement, which must still meet with court approval. “We are particularly happy that anyone who was a Scorpio before will remain a Scorpio now, or at least through 2035.”

According to reports, both sides have agreed to review tattoo trends again by 2035 to determine if Zodiac signs should at that time be retroactively adjusted.  The settlement specifically prohibits the use of science as a means of resolving future disputes arising out of the case.