Eight Attorneys Seriously Injured After Cloud-Based Computing Catastrophe

The catastrophic failure of a law firm’s cloud-based storage solution led to the release of deadly “binary rain,” seriously injuring eight attorneys at the firm and causing widespread gawking in downtown Chicago. It was the fourth incident in the last week of a catastrophic cloud-based software failure.

Legal experts who have consistently warned lawyers about the risks of using cloud-based software were quick to step up pressure on state bar associations to regulate the field, saying “there’s just too much risk out there and, oh shit, oh my God, oh shit, oh no, please, God.”

The catastrophic release occurred on Tuesday at the law firm of Aubin, Dale, and Bridge, a mid-sized firm in Chicago that, despite predictions of epic disaster, relied on a cloud-based solution for storing client files. Apparently not heeding repeated calls from caveman lawyers to use cement-based resources, the firm uploaded client data “too many times,” resulting in a catastrophic release of client information, including deadly binary rain.

In downtown Chicago on Wednesday, remnants of the rain could be found along Lake Street, where bystanders gathered to gawk at a pool of data concerning “Fredrick Oswald,” an alleged client of the firm. A firm spokesperson declined comment.