U.S. News & World Report to Open Its Own Law School

U.S. News & World Report, a national magazine that used to report news but now only ranks schools, is nearing completion of a plan to open its own law school, a senior editor at the magazine revealed today.

The U.S News & World Report School of Law, Vegas Style, is slated to open in  Las Vegas in 2013 and is expected to leap immediately into the top tier of law schools, as rated by U.S. News & World Report.

“Hey, we’ve got data coming out of our wazoos. We know what to do, how this whole thing works, what to report,” the senior editor, who asked not to be identified, said. “Plus, we’ve got a dozen law professors lined up, a career services office at the Bellagio, and senior editors assigned to do a our own blog-style law review. We’ve got a law school, baby.”

The editor declined, however, to confirm rumors that the law school would have a fourteen-thousand seat outdoor “courtatorium,”  featuring a choreographed “live action courtroom brawl,” dancing jurors, and a singing judge, said currently to be William Shatner. “We have no details on that,” said the editor.

Officials at the existing William S. Boyd School of Law in Las Vegas refused to comment on the proposed new law school or how the U.S. News & World Report School of Law could already rank higher than its own ranking of 71, particularly without having yet opened.